I’ve always been a huge fan of Roald Dahl’s Revolting Rhymes and wanted to write something similar that might appeal to children and adults alike.
The Bully
Jeremiah Steen
was very mean
A nice boy he was not
he pulled cats tails
And stepped on snails,
He even licked his snot
He went to school ,
broke every rule
He was a nightmare
To the teachers .
But his need to fight
Everyone in sight
Was surely his worst feature .
He picked on the weak ,
He picked on the small
His victims he’d demean
He was twice their size
And enjoyed their cries
And especially loved their screams
When he got the munches
He’d take their lunches
And eat them in a flash
And if they did resist
They would feel his fist
And their faces he would smash
Now Sally Feather
was very clever
And she’d had enough of Jerry
She’d think of a way
That would keep him away
From her peanut butter and jelly
She soon hatched a plot
To put his capers to a stop
And started on her scheme
She’d make him a sandwich
He’d never forget
Like nothing he’d ever seen
She got up early to make her fare
And mixed it with great care
There was earwax , boogers and spit
and some squashed up beetles too
But the principal ingredient
Was her little doggies poo .
She spread it thick on crusty bread
And wrapped it up just right
Then put it in her lunchbox
And clipped the lid on tight
Later that day right on cue
She felt a finger jab her shoulder.
She spun around
Lunchbox in hand
She’d was feeling so much bolder .
As he snatched it from her hands
She gave a little smirk
For soon he would be tasting
her clever handywork 😉
He sat himself down
Lunch boxes all around
And started to feed his face
He stuffed every roll
Into his cake hole
Like it was an eating race .
Now all his victims Sally told
What she had planned to do
They’d gathered in the playground
To see Jerry eat the poo
They wanted to witness
But they kept their distance
‘Cause silly they were not
So they got on their knees
Behind some small trees
To see what they could spot .
Sally was counting on the hunch
That Jerry could not smell
His nose was always full of snot
So she didn’t think he’d tell
What was on the sandwich
Till it was much too late
She was hoping by then
That if she ran
she’d make it out the gate .
Finally Jerry came
to the last box in the tally
And everyone
That was watching on
Knew it belonged to Sally .
He opened it up
tore off the wrap
And pushed it into his gob .
It wasn’t long till it hit the spot
And he began to sob .
Jeremiah Steen turned very green
And his belly began to rumble
It sounded like thunder
Then he began to chunder
And his face began crumble
He rolled around
Making a horrible sound
Holding his big belly
He let out a fart
That gave all a start
And my goodness it was smelly .
Everyone was laughing
While he was barfing
As there was no one more deserving
Then he turned white
And went very quiet
And it was a little unnerving
He sat very still,
He was very ill
Till a teacher came to save him
She took him away
To the sick bay
And Sally and friends were waving .
They were quite elated ,
Everyone celebrated .
They had no more trouble from Jerry.
Everyone ate their lunches
Without any punches
And even the teachers were merry .
By Julie Scott 2016